Leap of Faith

I have always wanted to make sure that no matter what I do, the outcome is calculated and definite.  I think that’s the general rule with everyone but I hate to make a decision that has no definite outcome or just a mystery.  Take for example, when I was forced to move out when things were very tough at home 14 years or so ago, I had to make sure that I had a place to stay, an income to support myself and that I will be alright.  Things have been great and because of my choice to move out, I haven’t looked back since and enjoyed everything that I have lived through.  However things could’ve turned out much differently, if I just rushed the whole process and didn’t think things through, nothing like looking the fool when you move out then returning a few months later because of your own stupidity.

There’s only been a few times though when I have actually have stepped out of my comfort zone and stopped thinking so much ( I hate it when I do that).  Like the time where I had decided to switch from hospitality to doing retail then IT.  Bizarre career moves at first glance and computer gaming had something to do with it but hey without that whole experience, I wouldn’t have met all the wonderful people around the world and this country.  Then there was the time where I believed in an Angel and followed that all the way to New York, that was a memorable journey if I may say so myself.

Anyways I have waited patiently for this moment, but I got some good news recently and it involves in a promotion.  It’s not entirely a promotion but I accepted a job at a level in the public service that I’ve always wanted and the pay suits me just fine.  I am thankful and humble for the opportunity, and really do hope that I can do my best and prove my worth to the new team that I will spend the next four months with.  However there are  some doubts that has been raised with this offer and that it’s a non-ongoing contract, meaning that come the end of June, I may find myself unemployed and without a job.  I did have a choice and that was to stay with the company that I am currently employed to and they’ll contract me out for that duration (with same pay and benefits).   At least by contract’s end, I would have a job but I would be shifted programs and I may not even like the job that I would assigned to.

I had to think long and hard about this decision, but decided that it was time that I took a leap of faith and trusted myself for once.  That’s half the problem with anything I do really,  I doubt myself and think too much that I turn down an opportunity.   It’s like shooting myself in the foot because I’m so damn scared of what lies ahead.  It doesn’t help that the people around me push me and even praise me on my work and who I am, but yet I still hold myself back.

Kind of reminds me of the time I was going out with a special someone, but I let doubts and worries creep into my head, even possibly listening to other people who tell you that it won’t work out and what not.   Stupid actions led to stupid decisions and I regret it, but I have to move on and learn from my mistakes.  Hence why I have to do this and just take a leap of faith.  No more safe bets or worrying, it’s really time that I back myself up and trust in myself.  Otherwise I am just going to be a child who is unable to make his own decisions and rely on others to make it for him.