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The first time was in New York, and the second time, well that’s a story that will be told another day perhaps.  But what both had in common, was that there was nothing but good memories, laughter, and more.  I remembered thinking that this was it and I finally found happiness.  To be able to be with someone that you can share things with, and do things you’ll never probably do again is something that can’t be described.  I want to remember these times for the rest of my life, and even as I may grow to become an old senile man, I hope that these memories are still strong in my head.  I feel that they both have stolen my heart …..

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No it’s simply just Uyen

“You’re so handsome” can get a bit too much after hearing it for like the 100th time.  However that’s probably the usual line that you’ll hear once some of the Vietnamese lady locals find out you’re a possible single male looking for a bit of fun.  However I was advised to stay away from these women since they’re nothing but a waste of time, unless you’re looking for some midnight romance then it’s a different story.  I only thought of writing this since a girl that I still keep in touch with, tells me that she misses me very much.  But the thing is I only met her in a bar and just chatted for fifteen minutes or so.  After that it’s been occasional emails with my Vietglish to her and her replying.  Add in some yahoo chat for some webcam hilarities and it adds more spice then the regular emails.  Still not enough to warrant a “I miss you” response, but when you’re stuck in a country like Vietnam, then you gotta do what you can just to get out and live a better life.  Even if it means giving up your body and going through crap treatment by your average chauvinistic males.  Males who possibly are still married, have kids back in their respective homeland and say that they love their wives.  These males though, are possibly looking for their own happiness and wanna break free of their regular routine.  Oh how it’s a vicious circle for both genders…..  

So many times, I end up thinking about her and the way things use to be.  The times that we spent together, chatting, watching each other sleep and the good times.  But then reality sets in and I realise that this wasn’t all that it was meant to be.  At times I find myself longing for her and wishing that I could call her and talk about my problems, my joys or just to hear her voice.  I want to reach out to her and see what she’s been up to on her end of the world and is she doing fine?

But then, I remember all the things that happened in the latter part of the relationship, how cold and isolated I was whenever I wanted her to be near.  How she just couldn’t give me an honest answer and just kept me hanging on. That’s when I accept it and let those memories go.  Realising finally that it was meant to be this way and that by ending this disastrous relationship, I am only getting closer to the one that I am truly meant to be with.

I called her straight away, it’s not often that we talk and I can understand that.  It’s what usually happens when one commits themselves to a relationship and somewhere along the lines, rules are implemented and are not to be broken.  It was a shock when I heard her voice filled with sadness and confusion.  I didn’t what more to say but I intend to see that the next time we speak, her voice, will be filled with happiness and laughter.

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“Baby, I’m hurting”
“Where??”
“I got really bad cramps”
“Hmmmmm, like where abouts?”
*Goes into tears*
“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me”
“Can we just sit down for a second”

We sat down and rested for a bit as the pain had increased and she could no longer endure the short walk home.  The pain had gotten so intense that she could not even get up and reverted to a baby like state.  I suggested that perhaps she shouldn’t walk anymore and I would carry her home.  Later on I found out that she had gone to the doctors and had been given medication for the pain.  I never understood of how severe period cramps were, and so intrigued, I asked my female colleagues at work of what would be the male equivalent experience.  After a much debated conversation, they had all agreed that the closest I would feel to it, would be like getting kicked or hit in the groin area.  At which, to my dismay, cringed at the thought and thanked my lucky stars that in this lifetime, I would not have to go through with that.

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Every morning that I get up, I listen to some songs to get my day started. I feel that the music I play definitely dictates my day otherwise I’d be a grouch and just want to stay home.  But one song I always put on is Raheem Devaughn’s “Woman”.  Not only has it got a good beat but it has a good vibe and feel to it, especially the message being delivered.  The message is just appreciating a woman,  and everything that she does. 

I only felt that I needed to blog about this since, really when was the last time, I, being a man have truly shown appreciation and thanked the women in my life that make my day pass by so easily?  Not for a while that’s for sure, probably because it’s the hardest and most awkward thing to say.  I’ve always taken for granted all the women in my life, and how do you go about thanking someone? 

Like just this month alone, a lot of the women in my life are going through things that may seem normal to them but harsh to me.  One example is a friend who is currently pregnant and is having constant morning sickness and then when her trimesters are over, the pain she’ll have to go through giving birth.  Another example is when women go through that time of the month, and can experience period pains etc (I’ve seen it happen to one of my ex’s and boy I was so helpless).  Last example is keeping up with appearances and falling to pressure with beauty shows and magazines.  The amount of makeup, waxing, shaving etc, all just to feel and look beautiful.  I could go on and on with the list, but I won’t, all I can say for now is thank you to all the women in my life.  My mothers (preferably the one here), my sisters, cousins, aunts, grandmothers, nieces, and friends, you are appreciated.  Thank you for enriching our lives and making this world wonderful.

“You’re What?”
“About to be married!!”
“Hmm, since when?”
“Since I met my fiancee this year”
“I wish you had told me earlier rather then later….”

Definitely not the scenario I had pictured when I had met this lady last night. Now here we are on the bed talking about how she was about to get married and how her fiancee didn’t know a lot of things about her. Things like; she has been seeing other men but it comes at a cost, and how the money her fiancee has been sending, does not get used as it should be.

Now here I was, pondering on how her fiancee would cope, if he ever found out that I just had slept with his future wife.

She has beautiful eyes don’t you agree?  I’m not entitled to show a full picture since in doing so, it would only get my ass whooped.  Even posting this up is probably stretching it just a bit much, but I know she’ll understand. 

 You could call it an appreciation blog if anything.  Because I owe it to her for helping me through the times that I am feeling down and out.  Like for example when I was just going through a rough patch in New York, she was there to cheer me up and say the right words.   The funny thing is though, that she lives way over in the United States. 

Being that far it’s hard to maintain any form of a relationship, whether it’d be love or friendship, even being penpals for that matter (what happened to the good old days of letters?) .  Like any relationship though, we go through our moments and it can be like a rollercoaster.  It’s almost like we’re actually a couple but minus the intimacy and romance.  The best thing about it is, that we’re both sensible enough to talk the problems out and be mature about it.

Now the only thing that remains for me to do for her, is that to show how wonderful this world is.  I don’t think she’s had a chance to see what’s outside of the US, and she’s missing out on quite a lot.  To be able to see the beautiful cities such as Paris, Saigon, Singapore and experience the culture is indeed a breathtaking experience. 

But in the end it’s all up to her and I’ll be here waiting whenever the opportunity arises.  I just hope that one day she’ll take my hand and go on the trip of a lifetime.  Then again though she does often say to me that “we’ve got our whole lives”.

We got home late on many occasions and most of the time Ms Q was just overwhelmed and tired.  Meaning that chances of being intimate were just not on and sleeping was by far the more important agenda.  I did always do my best to hurry her to get home but as much as I tried, the results would always turn out to be for the worse. 

I didn’t have much time to spend with her, seeing as I was just briefly visiting interstate and was due to head back to home.  Our time together you could say was just sporadic, having to shuffle work commitments, friends, and the parties here and there.  For the most part I would be the one being patient and going along with her plans.

The part I looked to the most though was seeing what she would wear to sleep, and seeing what temperature the room was from the reverse-cycle air conditioner.  Why you ask?  Because I took note of the times we slept together.  Her outfit and room temperature would play a huge part in letting me know how she felt. 

If the room was warm and she wore her pyjama pants and a sweater, then I would most certainly forget having all thoughts of being intimate and just enjoy a light kiss goodnight and sleep.  It’s like being hit with a cold shower when you’re at your most aroused while picturing thoughts of David Hasselhoff naked.

But if the room was hot, and she was wearing pyjama pants with a singlet.  I knew then that whatever it was we had on, will definitely be on the floor, and my sleep would be much deprived.

I always looked forward to those moments, and being so far apart, I wished that there were more times like this.  I always enjoy a womans company and being intimate is just a bonus.  Which brings me to ask, are there people out there who know when they’re about to get intimate or does it just happen.